The Island

It must be you. It must be all of you. That I’m not slitting my wrist wide open and clouding my mind with pessimism.

The many mornings we stayed up to, I am grateful. Despite the lack of decency in my clothes and the stoniness in our movements, we managed to blend in just picture perfect at the beach and snuggle comfortably among each other on the bed.

The many nights we went out together, I am grateful. Despite the questionable risks, we discovered more goods than bads. We learn, discover and understand each other. From the silent agreement that it is just the five of us, we each have an alter ego we can relate with.

Though a pink taugey is just plain weird. Taugey is a vegetable okay. All of us are animals. And the donkey and turtle are herbivores. I’m not so sure what tadpole and penguin eat… what they eat… let’s not go there.

Anyway, while my thoughts are coherent and my feelings are raw, I have all these to say to you guys.

To the penguin, you are the foundation of the island. I’d like to think that without you in the first place, there wouldn’t be us. I have no recollection of our first time together (geee…), all of us… I mean. But I did remember being with you, the turtle and the taugey at Chris’s place. I remember talking an awful lot about movies. Hours long about movies. I don’t even remember half the things we said that morning now. I just knew it was the beginning of mutual acceptance, that we could see each other as closer friends now. I’m always fascinated with your philosophies and think very highly of your opinions. I know you’ll always be a bitchy honest bastard. You’re a sorry-if-you’re-not-smart-enough-to-get-me person. And I still like you. Respect.

To the turtle, do you know just how calm you are? You’re like the rock of the island. You keep it floating. You call and you make plans and you are always concerned. If I don’t watch it, I may come to be dependent on you. Ha. Renee’s birthday introduced us, I’d like to believe. I vividly remember you sitting on my blue leather couch. That night, you knew, I knew. We were going to. We made arrangements and so it became so after that night, nearly every weekend after that. Remember that time you asked me to promise you I will never commit suicide no matter what? You saying that you never want to lose one of your closest friend warmed my heart. I always look for your arm to hold whenever I feel unsafe. I come to you for honest, heart to heart conversations where I don’t feel the need to shy myself. And you’re always, always there.

To the taugey, just how much do you really like it up the bottom anyway? Hehe. Like the turtle, you make me feel safe. Except now you’re actually obliged to. Because you’ve turned from best mate to boyfriend. As a result, you’ve lost the privilege to bully me, mind game me and make fun of me. Just kidding. No seriously. Just kidding. Ha. Now which is it? Anyway, you are always the more quiet one of the group. Or you seem like it. Your composure is always cool, your gaze is always wandering and your eyes are always hypnotising. But when you ponder about things, you ask in wonderment and I like your defensiveness when I disagree. You always say the most random things, do the most random acts, ask the most random questions.

To the donkey, do you know just how much I love your presence? You don’t make me feel short at all, no no no… you don’t. You make me feel goddamn cute. Everytime you envelop me into that hug of yours, I feel loved. You’re the friend I thought I would never be close with because from first glance three years ago or was it four, we were so different from each other. And look, here we are, oh so close! You’re the one who always make me laugh, online and offline. It never mattered whether the joke was funny or not, your expression was enough. Everytime I look the least down, you would actually notice. I find your accidental confusion so endearing. It made me smile every single time you were quiet and you just looked back at me after I’ve asked you a question.

I am a very lucky girl. To have these four men in my life and totally platonic at that. Oh, my bad… except taugey. He crossed that line. Ahaha!

/me pass barf bags to everyone

Hugs you all.