Four Years

If my Maths didn’t fail me, it’s less than twenty days till he leaves. What then?

Christmas tree is yet to be up in the house and here I am, dreading the day the Christmas lights turn on. The Boyfriend being a Christian and me who was born a Catholic long converted into a free thinker back in my rebellious days… and woila! a christmas tree in the house. That’s got to say something about this relationship, doesn’t it?

He isn’t going away forever… just four years. Who’s to say four years won’t go by in a very fast blur, right?

In four years, I would have already graduated university, moved to Kuala Lumpur, settled down with a job and hopefully would have already saved some money.

In four years, I would have probably gotten used to missing him so terribly till some nights I cry to sleep and some days I dread to wake up without him by my side.

In four years, I would have probably gotten used to the dull ache in my heart when birthdays, Valentines and Christmases roll around… and I celebrate with friends but without The Boyfriend.

In four years, and I pray and I pray so hard that despite the pain that I anticipate and the tears to shed, we will still be together.

But what’s to say that these four years won’t just go by in a very fast blur, right? Who’s to say?

Less than twenty days to go. Four years to wait.

I’m shaking inside with fear anticipating the pain to come when he gets on that plane and no matter how much I wish for him to be home, he won’t be.

And yet, despite my incorrigible cynicism and the thousand pessimisms, I want this to work so bad.

I want us to work so bad… and it will. It will. It will. It will.

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Published:
12.11.06 / 8am
Category:
Relationships