The Ex-Files

Relationships should always have secrets. These secrets perserve closeness between the both of you. There are just things that you don’t have to know… seriously, just leave them alone.

Like the ex-files, for example.

Ex doesn’t just mean former. It means potential threat. Ya ya ya… say what you want. To me, as long as she still has her pair of breasts, she is still a threat.

It doesn’t matter that she is at least two to three years back in his history. Hell, give it a decade and it will still get to you!

Especially those who survived past one year anniversary! Those who changed your man in some ways, invented sexual positions with him and earned a place in his heart so big he would threaten to kill the replacement guys who break her heart.

There’ve been many times that I accidentally stumbled upon the ex-files. Let me describe the feelings to you in excruciating detail.

It would feel as if someone had me by the neck and drenched me in hot water. And in this boiling pain as I was choking, I was made to mentally watch a nostalgic black and white flashback of their relationship, with grainy static and all. As the flashback continued, insert imaginary moans of happiness and laughter of the ex-couple. Then just before the flashback came to an end, I was forced to stare, distressed as my man cried that no woman could ever replace her.

Yes. IT was that painful.

Now, read that again and tell me what stays with you.

“… no woman could ever replace her!”

Now you fear you will never be as good as her. Worse yet, she doesn’t even have to be indescribably gorgeous or saintly compassionate to earn your paranoia.

She just had to be in his life, period.

She can be ugly and you’ll still be wondering “Now there really must be something special about her!”
She can be unbearable in person and you’ll still be thinking “She must be really good in bed then!”

Aha! Here comes the bedroom issue! And wham! you’re definitely the most paranoid girlfriend around!

All these thoughts are so irrational but you continued to feel what you felt anyway. Just because.

The temptations to clarify are killing you, the questions are flooding your mind but…

NO! NO! NO!

You cannot ask!

You must practice self-control because men will just think you’re absurd for asking about the past! You cannot pick a fight about the past because let’s face it, you weren’t in the past!

Hold on a minute, you say. There needn’t need to be a fight at all! You can always just ask him calmly about the ex. Better yet, catch him unguarded in bed as you’re on top.

Yeah right…
Just let me clarify this and tell me if it’s the same for you.

If he says too little, you’ll think he doesn’t want to talk about it. Because you think he doesn’t want to talk about it, you’ll think you’re snubbed and you’ll pull another argument about how he never confide about his ex in you.

If he says too much, you’ll think she is really special to him and is still a threat to you. Then you’ll be paranoid and he’ll now say “You’re the one who asked and now you’re paranoid!” and then there’ll be an argument of you assuring him that you are not paranoid when you REALLY are and how he thinks you’re being silly for being paranoid!

Complicated, huh?
7 out of 10 say you’ll end up in a petty argument.
Of course, some of us purposely pick a fight for great angry sex but that’s another story.

So ladies, self-control when it comes to the ex-files!

Of course, unless you like drama.

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Published:
1.21.07 / 5pm
Category:
Relationships