Fighting With Myself

I am now 22 and ideally, I could have been at an age where I’ve already found peace with myself.

And trusting that every previous experience with a bad relationship would have made me realise some very important things about my flaws in healing from confrontations.

But every so often, I find out that is not the case.

Have you ever been in a situation where ideally, you would just hope for the best and let things go but your heart has hardened inside?

… where the fight is no longer about the fight but the fight inside?

Have you ever felt like eventually things would smooth over but every minute that passed without talking about it, bitterness collected inside you?

Has it ever became so that every fight that happened where you felt misunderstood and unloved becomes the fight that’s unraveling in front of you right now?

… and the fight that was became the fight now.
That it is no longer even about him but about you.

How does it happen?
From wanting a reassurance to needing it…

Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe today is the day I learn to slowly let go and heal in the process.

… because at the very least, I optimistically believe my love for you can certainly bring me that far.

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Published:
5.8.07 / 3am
Category:
Reflections