Your Last Chance

I cannot stand loneliness.

Put me without any social contact for more than five hours and I will die (you’d be surprised at how often that happens).

Or at least foamed in the mouth.

I cannot endure it.

Even for the six years that I had been independent - in that I meant I lived apart from my family, I depended on love.

From boyfriends. From close friends.

I wanted to die when I was sixteen. Because I had too many boyfriends and no friends to love me.

Then I escaped. So I am okay.

I must admit I cannot live without love. I crave for it every minute of the day. For someone to love me.

Even when I do not love him, I need him to love me. Thus I will be satisfied.

Even when I do not love him any longer, I need him to love me still. Sometimes I will not tell him I do not love him anymore just so he will continue loving me. Thus I will be satisfied.

I am selfish. Sometimes I think I am evil.

Love is a game to me. I cannot be content with someone without that challenge.

Someone. Anyone. All of whom I had had.

Sex too.

Besides its obvious reason, it makes me aware of my existence as a woman.

Without vaginal activities, I really doubt I can be truly content.

Sex with love though - that is when I really feel domesticated.

About this entry

You’re currently reading “Your Last Chance,” an entry on The Geek In Pink

Published:
10.5.08 / 2pm
Category:
Reflections