The Side Effects

I’ve been up for at least a day now without sleep and not the least tired. I have none the littlest idea what chemical is running inside me that is keeping me up but I know for a fact that missing you is a big part of me being awake. I know it is a burden for you to know of this fact and I know you’re feeling just the same minus the sleepless nights.

Maybe I’m keeping myself up to continuously run thoughts of you, just so you’re always in my system and never far from my thoughts. Just so you’re real and not someone who floats in and out of my dreams whenever I so wishes. Just so you’re in my presence and not somewhere so far away like out of my life.

Yesterday when I awoke from my sleep, I thought of you and imagined your arms around me.

… but I had forgotten how it felt like to be held by you.

The thought stayed with me till now. Haunt every meaning of the word that I typed here. It really gets to me, it makes me so sad that I can forget something as important as the feeling of your touch.

It makes you so much more less real to me and I am so afraid, so afraid of this test.

And yet I’ve never been so much more in love with you… and even if you may think of this as tiring, all these wishing and wanting of each other, I am truly sorry for the burden I’ve become in this relationship, for all the whines that you heard for I would really want nothing else but to just concentrate on being happy just because I have you.

I’m trying my best to remember how it felt like to be held by you. And yet it came to naught so I keep falling.