Back to A Happy Square 1

Sometimes I scoff at where I am now.
It is stupendous that I am at this exact position I was in 2 years and 8 months ago.
My Maths is probably not correct.

It is crazy how I still love Taugey unconditionally and to the point where my heart would bubble over with adoration. It is even crazier how I am letting him go again to pursue his dream. There is not telling how many years this time.

But people tell me this is what love is. Letting your loved ones chase their dreams. This is what I read in fictional love stories where eventually the prince charming earned so much moolah the princess overdosed in Chanel handbags and expensive jacuzzi bubble baths. Because the princess said yes to “Go! Chase your dream!”

What about my dream? I sound like such a whiny bitch but this is what it is, you know.
I really have let myself go it is piteous.
Yet he can just coo at me and I go all soft like a baby’s feet.

I honestly do not think this is really all that love has to offer me. I think it should offer me courage and the wings to fly and the rage to get back up again. I really honestly think that love is more than cuddling in bed on Tuesday afternoons and sex on Sunday nights (this is not a complaint by the way).

Love is what it is five years from now.
When he promised a ring and three children.
When he promised an eternity of pillowtalks.
When he promised endless love and a honeymoon in New Zealand.
When he promised his heart will forever be mine.

Love should not be this pitiful.
8th of January 2010 - that is when another chapter of my life opens.
Let’s all hope it is a pretty happy one.