Environmentally friendly and a potential great ass aside, this is because my dad sold my car. For cold hard cash.

First thing I did after signing on the dotted line, I bought myself a nice big umbrella enough to house three humans and a donut.

It has been a very very interesting journey so far. I paid more attention to the lot numbers on the houses than just norm curiosity. Recent calculations at one house led me to believe that the land developers jumped two digits from the previous house.

And one morning as I passed by my church, friendly neighborhood dog Naruto followed me all the way to work. I didn’t quite know what to do as I have this tendency to wildly imagine the dog will get run over by a truck or impregnate another poor bitch, so I walked all the way back to the church and tricked him into the bushes and then ran all the way to work in my black high heels.

Everyday I pass by this young man with too much hair clouding his eyes who seems to be on his way to the shops. Every day I wonder if I will see him again as he looks near death and everyday that I see him, I wonder if he’s going to pull a knife out of his pocket and demand for my empty purse.

Last week a cranky old man who was gardening snapped at me. Apparently I had blocked the sunlight when I stood in front of his house waiting for the road to clear.

Yesterday I let loose a fart. Have you ever done that? Farting while walking? I swear the whole neighborhood heard me.

Oh why is my life so miserable?

But then again…

:P

Due to the lack of blogging or any form of writing, I’ve lost my wit and along with it, my ability to pen concise thoughts. Nonetheless, I’m grateful that you guys still stuck by me!

Tonight is Saturday night and one year before on this night, I was out popping pills and grinding my ass on a lucky man’s crotch. That was one year ago.

Sometimes I lie awake at night agonising whether too much changes in my lifestyle has led me to become severely boring and ultimately clingy.

The cigarettes. The alcohol. The drugs.

Oh and yes I cling to my boyfriend. To all you feminist bitches out there, spare me your preaching.

For the past six months, it’s been seven nights a week I stay at home and wait for the calling to be interesting.

Sigh excitement used to come so naturally to me that even strangers were jealous of my life. Now… now I have nothing to be excited for.

Maybe that job promotion or a Sunday lie-in with my dog or that pitiful 5 minutes No.2 in the toilet with my favourite magazine.

Now it’s just work, responsibilities and loan repayment to the government for funding my tertiary education. Also, there’s the boyfriend but today we just had a big fight about how he needs space.

Thanks for telling me how you feel. Finally.

Well… you can have all the space you need, boyfriend because I am going to forget you tonight.

For the next twelve hours, I’m going to be me one year back.

Now I just need the number of that dealer I used to call.

At 13, I shouldn’t have to wash the blood off my thighs.

At 14, I shouldn’t have to learn that first love doesn’t last.

At 15, I shouldn’t have to identify with suicide.

At 16, I shouldn’t have to learn to cut to relieve pain and anger.

At 17, I shouldn’t have to live by my own with a strange housemate.

At 21, I shouldn’t have to learn that boyfriends do steal from me.

At 23, I shouldn’t have to discover maternal grief.

And now, I shouldn’t have to find out my dad has cancer.

I have not lost a single inch off my waist. Truth be told, I seriously believed I’ve even gained two.

It’s crazy how sometimes I look at myself, that I’m age 23 now, an age where I should have known better than to lose sleep over an inch of fat and two minuscule pimples on my chin.

With my second paycheck, I’ve indulged in salmon sashimi (ah my great love!) and a bag of Dermalogica products. I can’t wait for the third, which I plan to invest in a joint bank account and a nice holiday on a tropical beach.

I know! Huge step, right?

Most of the time, I’m afraid I made the wrong decision. Coming back to Miri, getting a job out of my educated field and only living my passion as freelance. Why didn’t I go full-time instead? Why didn’t I just grab the offer to go KL and work in a production company?

Questions, doubts, questions.

Then I would calm down and I realised that this was planned for me by God, that he gave me this chance because I’ve prayed for it… and surely I should be grateful.

My love for media will not die within me.
If I didn’t know better, I would think I’m wishing for more guts.

Graduation is a once in a lifetime event and if I have to ‘almost’ die to look good, then so be it.

‘Almost’ die being no late suppers.

I wonder if they have a size 4 graduation regalia. I am not sure what size I am but if they’re giving me a free size, I’m throwing a tantrum.

Anyway… so today I was buying some dog food for Darlink. Me being me, I tried to make some idle conversation with the pet shop owner while she rang up the purchase. Just as I was getting ready to shut my mouth, her Pekingnese dog started barking at me and sniffing my leg.

Damn cute okay. So damn cute like the pet shop manager.

So I said loh “Wah your dog really look like you”

She paused. Then very slowly, she looked up from the cashier and enunciated each syllable “W-ha-t?”

Realising what I said wasn’t very nice, I tried to further explain why I thought her dog looked like her.

“I think it’s the nose!”

Pekingnese dogs are known for their flat snouts.

She didn’t seem that thrilled at my excuse.

Sigh.

I didn’t know okay! I really really think the dog is very cute like her!

Fine. I’m exaggerating. But it’s damn sure to be an addictive read.

Read from the very first post to most current to keep up with the stories!

If you have the time to spare and the toes to curl, be sure to check out the comments too as that’s where more dirty laundry are voluntarily aired by those who happened to cross the path of that lying DJ.

Click click click!

To Brian, I totally believe this DJ Montano stole your money.

I wanna wear a Team Brian t-shirt! Where can I get one?

Hahahaha.
What? Very funny meh?

I’ve been so busy working I’ve missed my weekends thrice in a row.

I don’t consider the possibility of clubbing until it hits Sunday and then I’d be like “Woah, what the hell just happened here?”

I’m in bed by twelve and awake by seven. I’m so aunty you won’t believe okay. I have a bun on my head every day now.

A HAIR BUN. Not a bread bun!

Eh, you all guess lah what am I working as. See who guess correct. People who know cannot participate!

Okay… signing off, Cikgu Ing Hui.

Ain’t life funny?

After three months of somewhat half-heartedly job searching and repeatedly editing my fresh grad resume, I finally found a job.

I actually came back to Miri for a week of holiday since Kuching wasn’t very good to me mentally and physically.

I missed my friends and family like crazy. I missed waking up and not feeling like the worst failure on earth. Every week that passed with me as another jobless statistic was driving me up the wall and chipping my confidence off inch by inch.

And then, THAT happened. The decision that changed my whole life.

Right after that weekend, I bought an air ticket and came back home. My first kolok mee home almost drove me to tears. I was that homesick.

One night that week, I went to a young adults meeting. My prayer point that night was to get a job.

Mind you, this was after three months of non-stop self-bashing for not being able to secure a proper occupation.

I was so miserable and I could not really tell anyone how I felt because first I would have to explain, why oh why did I have to be so choosy. I was basically rejecting every suggestion people threw at me. And secondly, I just couldn’t bear it when every time someone asked me what I was doing then, I would have to lie through my teeth and said something along the lines of “Deciding what to do with my life”. I just really didn’t have a job and that was it.

Suddenly I was doubting myself. Whether four years of tertiary education really taught me anything and what if I am the worst employee anyone has ever hired… shit like that.

Anyway as I was saying, my prayer point that night was to get a job. So my brothers and sisters prayed for me.

The day after, my former lecturer called me up and asked me for an interview. My best friend had recommended me.

I went for the interview at 4.30pm. Without my resume, without my certifications. Every paperwork that I had been trying to meticulously perfect over the last three months was not needed.

I finished the interview at 5.30pm.

I got the congratulatory call at 6.30pm.

Isn’t God just fabulous?

So I moved back to Miri. So yes I basically drove to Kuching with 9 dogs in the car all for nothing.

Isn’t God fierce?

You’re probably wondering what I am working as. I won’t tell you because that’s another curveball life threw at me. It has nothing to do with my fresh degree.

HAHA.
As of now, I’m living in a house with three other women. One divorced, one single but rumoured to be extremely bad-tempered and one lesbian. They’re all too hot to be true.

And my new room is smaller than my ass.

Still.

Father, thank you.

I just need to write this down so I can look back to this day and remember the decision that will change my life forever.

How do you cry to someone without explaining why?

I knew it was coming, the hopes were slim and I am afterall, a fresh graduate with grades I am not too proud of.

An entire month to accept the looming distance and yet it still didn’t make packing any easier.

With this man in my life, how did my dreams get so complicated?

***

That was more than a month ago. Now I’ve already up and moved to Kuching, a place I’m familiar with but very much a stranger in.

Will somebody show me the ropes?

p.s Internet connection badly needed to reinstate social activity with the rest of the world in this neurotic city

p.p.s Oh and I just turned 23!